I'm so upset right now. I actually just kind of feel sad right now.
It's the day after Thanksgiving. I wanted to go shopping, but my mom and grandma left without me, and Walter said he isn't interested in going because he doesn't have money. And I'd go gladly go alone, but I can't drive because of my foot!
And then Walter said last night "I can't help you this month buy your birth control because of your christmas present...wait, that's not fair, and because I bought my video games"
That's fucking bullshit! My christmas present should have nothing to do with it! I have to work around that, I still have to afford his christmas present! Which when it's all said is done, I will have spent just as much on him as he did on me and he makes a $1 more an hour than I do, along with the fact that I missed an entire weekend of work because of my operation! So my paycheck is only $90 to begin with! I also had to borrow $50 to take him out to dinner, which I still have to pay back.
AND! I have to buy his stupid step-sister a wedding shower gift for tomorrow, because lord knows if I don't, I can't show up to the shower, and that will only give his family one more fucking reason to hate me.
So it's not like I'm rolling in money either!
And I know it's only $15, but jesus christ...I don't ever get to say "well sorry honey, I can't buy it this month." He'd be put out.
Once again, I'm fucking going out of my way to make things good for him, and he doesn't even meet me half way!
"Lets move to Oklahoma so I can be with all my family and you can live alone in appartment while I don't work and get everything handed to me and you can take me out with all the money your going to make stripping."
"I don't want to take you shopping because I have to study , also because I don't have any money left to buy myself anything!"
And I know he does a lot for me...but sometimes...sometimes it feels like I'm doing so much more for him and I don't really get much recognition for it.
I make him breakfast in the morning before work, I bring him lunch, I spend money on him I don't have. I try hard to not make him angry and if I do I fix it without getting angry back. I try to take him out, I try to get along with his family, and bake him cookies, and brownies, and I listen to tell me how great he is and how smart he is.
I try so fucking hard to make him happy.
I'm sure I'm asking for too much...I always am.