I am not the one who "loves the least" in our relationship.
It hurts that it at least feels like he is the one with the power.
We talked briefly about it in the hall...I told him I didn't want to be with him. Which is some ways, was true, but only in that I hate always feeling like I have to do everything in my power to keep him happy. And that if he's angry, I do everything to make him not angry. Unlike what he does with me...If I'm angry he just gets angry back.
I feel like he know's he doesn't have to make me happy...he knows I'll stay with him no matter what, which is in fact, the truth.
I have a feeling this is just me feeling extra emotional. He does make me happy, and he does what he can to make me happy.
It's just...hard to explain.
I'm wrong in feeling hurt. I do this to myself. I chose to give up any chance of having close friends in fear that I'll miss out on things with Walter. I plan my life around him. He doens't ask me to do it, I chose that all on my own.
I think this might stem from the fact that I know what I want from this relationship, that I plan on spending my life with him and am planning accordingly. But regardless of how he feels, he doesn't always act like we will always be together...he hates talking about marriage, or our future, and it feels like all of my effort is in vain.